Leading Those Who Don't Want To Follow

by Mike Myatt

When you reach a fork in the road with those you lead, what do you do? Leading those inclined to follow is significantly less of a challenge than leading those who don't want to be led. Anyone who has ever been in a leadership position has had to deal with the inevitable tough relationship that causes more than its fair share of brain damage. At some point in time we've all been involved (directly or indirectly, willingly and unwillingly) in the coporate politics of turf-wars, empire building, silo-centric ignorance, title inflated ego and arrogance, and the list goes on...

Regardless of the politics in play, it is a leader's responsibility to effectively lead not only those that agree with their position, but they must also lead those that hold dissenting opinions.

There are always those who choose to oppose or undermine authority, but that in and of itself does not remove the obligation of a leader to fulfill his or her duty. While likeability is a great asset to possess as a leader, it is not essential. It is however essential that you command the respect of those you lead. Respect is earned by honoring commitments and doing the right thing regardless of opinion, sentiment, or influence. It is through right acts, good decisions, and honest communication that you earn respect and maintain rapport even with those who are not necessarily your greatest supporters.

A key point to consider when things don't seem to be going as smoothly as you would like is that different perspectives, competing agendas, and opposing positions can sometimes present the opportunity for growth and enlightenment. If differing opinions are looked at as an opportunity as opposed to a set-back then I believe positive steps can be taken. What I like to refer as "positional gaps" are best closed by listening to both sides, finding common ground and then letting the principle of doing the right thing guide the process. When you develop the skill to transform negative conflict into creative tension then you will begin to command respect even from those who don't agree with your positions.

It is absolutely possible to build very productive relationships with even the most adversarial of individuals. Regardless of a person's original intent, opinion or position, the key to closing a positional gap is simply a matter of finding common ground in order to establish rapport. Moreover, building rapport is easily achieved assuming your motivations for doing so are sincere. I have always found that rapport is quickly developed when you listen, care, and attempt to help people succeed. By way of contrast it is difficult to build rapport if you are driven by an agenda that is not in alignment with the other party.

While building and maintaining rapport with people with whom you disagree is certainly more challenging, many of the same rules expressed in my comments above still apply. I have found that often times conflict resolution simply just requires more intense focus on understanding the needs, wants and desires of the other party. If opposing views are worth the time and energy to debate, then they are worth a legitimate effort to gain alignment on perspective and resolution on position. However this will rarely happen if lines of communication do not remain open. Candid, effective communication is best maintained through a mutual respect and rapport.

In an attempt to resolve any conflict, the first step is to identify and isolate the specific areas of difference being debated. The sad fact is that many business people are absolutists in that they only see things in terms of rights and wrongs. Thinking in terms of "my way" is right and therefore "other ways" are wrong is the basis for polarizing any relationship, which quickly results in converting discussions into power struggles. However when a situation can be seen through the lens of difference, and a position is simply a matter of opinion not a totalitarian statement of fact, then cooperation and compromise is possible. Identifying and understanding differences allows people (regardless of title) to shift their position through compromise and negotiation while maintaining respect and rapport. The following perspectives if kept top of mind will help in identifying and bridging positional gaps:

• Respect leads to acceptance.


• Accepting a person where they are, creates an bond of trust.


• Trust, leads to a willingness to be open to:


• New opportunities


• New collaborations


• New strategies


• New ideas


• New products

While I like to think that I have earned the respect of the majority of those I have led over the years, I am not so naive to think that that all have liked or supported my positions. That being said, I have nonetheless had to lead them as well. I have been able to accomplish this by adhering to the following principles:


1. Hit conflict head-on. You can only resolve problems by proactively seeking to do so.


2. Always attempt to understand others motivations prior to weighing-in on an issue.


3. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and follow-through on your commitments.


4. Never be swayed by consensus, rather be guided by doing the right thing.


5. Know that no person is universally right or universally liked, and become at peace with that.


6. Regardless of whether or not perspectives and opinions differ, a position of respect must be adhered to and maintained. Respect is at the core of building business relationships. It is the foundation that supports high performance teams, partnerships, superior and subordinate relationships, and peer-to-peer relationships. Respecting the right to differ while being productive is a concept that all successful executives and entrepreneurs master.

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Mike Myatt, is a Top CEO Coach, author of "Leadership Matters...The CEO Survival Manual", and Managing Director of N2Growth.